Insanity of the X Kids: Heat Wave
by Stretch
Summary: It's the worst heat wave in 12 years and, thanks to a certain student, the mansion has no air conditioner. Just imagine the insanity that errupts! Please R&R! COMPLETE & REVISED!
1. The AC Is Broken

A/N: Hey everyone, I'm back with a fourth installment of IotXK!  Woo-hoo!  As always, it involves the kids from the movie, a few from the comics, and Zoe, mu OC from The Struggle, who finds her way into every story I seem to write.  And don't forget to check out the three other IofXK's under my profile.  Now read, laugh, enjoy, and review!

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Insanity of the X Kids: Heat Wave

            "I'm sorry Paige, but I'm gonna to have to kill your brother!"  Marie screeched, grabbing a drawer and throwing the contents over her shoulder.

            Then she threw the drawer.  

            Paige, standing in the doorway, hit the deck.

            "Look Marie, Ah'm all fer kickin' my brother's ass right about now, but we have no idea where he is."  Marie paused in mid throw.

            "Alright," she decided after a few seconds, "I'm gonna to find him, and then I'm gonna kill him!"  moving onto the next drawer.  A second later it flew past Paige's ear, adding to the mounting heap in the sweltering hallway. 

            "Um Marie…I hate to interrupt…" Paige said in her 'talking to crazy friends' voice, 'but how, exactly, is tearing apart Zoe's room going to result in killing Sam?"  Marie didn't answer but, instead, moved onto the bed.  

            "C'mere and help me," she demanded, gripping the end of the mattress in her hands.  Sighing, Paige obligingly grabbed the other.  "One, two three…"  The mattress fell to the floor with a *THUMP*, and Marie threw herself onto the box spring triumphantly.

            "Alright Marie, I think this heat's melted your brain!  What the hell are you doing?" Paige demanded.  Marie, giggling like a maniac, rolled off the box spring and onto the floor, clutching something to her chest.  

            "This…this is what I was looking for."  

            "Zoe's bat?"  But when Marie spoke, it was Zoe's voice that Paige heard.

            "No, this is not just a bat.  This is the 2003 Easton S Triple 7.  This is 21.5 inches, 33 ounces of perfectly crafted aluminum.

            "Alright, it's official.  You really have lost your mind.  Gimme that thing before you hurt yourself," Paige ordered, attempting to yank the bat from the southern belle's hands.  But she missed and gave Marie the opportunity to grab her round the wrist, which she took full advantage of.  Hauling the blonde unwillingly behind her, Marie tore out of the room.

            "I don't think so honey, you're going to help me out here," she ordered, rounding the corner at break-neck speed  and practically mowing down the newly appointed Psych/Sociology teacher, Ms. Braddock.  "C'mon Paigey, let's go hunt us some Kentucky Fried Chicken!"  Paige groaned.

            "Aren't you a vegetarian?"  

`           Remy had done it.  He had gone through with the unthinkable.  Yes, that's right.  He DID it.  For the first time since arriving at the institute Remy had ditched the trench coat.

            And the black jeans.

            And anything remotely bearing the color black.

            It was just that hot.  And let me tell you, the Cajun's legs hadn't seen sunlight in a loooooooong time.  They were practically reflecting light, as John hadn't forgot to mention earlier.  So to escape from the only person actually enjoying the heat (i.e. Pyro) he'd decided to take an innocent little walk and find the southern bumpkin responsible for trashing the air conditioner (i.e. Cannonball). But instead of finding Sam, Remy found the last thing he was expecting.  No, it wasn't Logan in a bikini.

            Okay, so he found the second to last thing he was expecting to find.  

            "An igloo in da middle of West Chester.  Eit'er Ah'm hallucinating," Remy muttered under his breath, "Or Bobby's been havin' way too much fun."  Sticking out a hand, he ran it over the ice entry arch way.  "Well, Ah guess dat rules out option number one."  Thing felt solid enough.  Wondering if, perhaps, this was Bobby pathetic attempt to harbor the southern fugitive, he decided to have a little poke inside, you know, just to check it out.  He wasn't hot or anything.

            Honestly.  

            Seriously.

            But instead of finding Sam, or even Bobby, Remy found, well…something interesting.  

            "Hiya Remy," chorused a flock of cheerful voices.

            "'Allo Jamie…s," Remy replied, looking in awe at the seven identical pre-teens, dressed in seven identical Pokemon swimsuits, sitting in a circle in the cramped quarters.  "Which one o' you da real one?"  Several different hands shot up, but the original was easily picked out by the band-aid he was sporting on his left hand.

            "Like Bobby's present?" asked one Jamie.

"Come in here to get out of the heat?" asked a second, sitting to his left.

"Those legs come like that, or is the light reflection extra?"

"We're you looking for us?"  Remy shook his head, slightly confused. 

            "Non, actually Ah was lookin' fer da infamous Sam.  Seen 'im?" he asked, directing his attention to the real Multiple Man.  Jamie shook his little brunette head.

            "Nah, something tells me he hightailed it out of here a good few hours ago."  He grinned brightly.  "Can't say I blame him.  With the way Jubilee looked after the little 'incident', I'd have headed for the hills too."  

            "Sam betta hope he stay hidden'," Remy muttered to Jamie…well, several Jamies, from within their hide-a-way.  "Or he gonna find himself stuck on da end a my bo-staff."

            "We'll help."

            "Gladly."

            "Yay!  Death to Sam!"  All six Jamies turned to stare at the seventh who seemed a little too eager to start a killing spree.  

            "Okaaaaay," the original Jamie whistled under his breath, still staring at his copy.  "Moving on…  I suppose if Sam's gone long enough I can call up my friend Kit," he suggested.  "An old friend from back home.  She's a little nuts, but her dad's a private eye, so…" he let the sentence hang in the air as he leaned back against the icy wall.

            "Um, James, why 'xactly you got all your copies runnin' 'round anyways?" Remy asked, wiping the condensation off his sunglasses as he stood hunched over in the igloo.  Jamie, eyes still focused on the homicidal copy explained,

            "Well, I kept bumping my head moving around in here, and they just," he shrugged his narrow shoulders, a few copies mimicking the movement, "popping out."

            "Ah figured dat, petite homme, but why dey still here?" he asked, thumping his foot on the ground for emphasis.

            "Well, I started, you know, pulling them back at first, but the fact that they were hot just made me hotter…er, 'till I was  practically roasting."  Jamie shuddered slightly, as if the very memory of the heat chilled frightened him.  "So now they're staying out," he announced resolutely, pounding his fist against his palm.  Bad idea, as the motion yanked out two more swimsuit clad multiples.  Remy edged back towards the doorway.

            "Gettin' too crowded in here for me, frere.  Ah'll see you later."  Shaking his head forlornly, Remy crawled on his hands and knees out the door.  

            "We better find Sam soon, or at dis rate dis place'll be crawlin' wit more Jamies dan we can take.  Den we all done for…

            There was a price on Sam's head.  True it was $13 and a half-empty bottle of nail polish, but a price none the less.  It meant that the Cannonball was a marked man.  Not only that, but Sam was not as far away as previously thought.  After the little… 'incident' he'd been so panicked to see Jubilee charging after him, swearing and throwing things, that he flew to the first secluded place he saw: the roof.  Yes, of all the places to hide from the deranged group of teenagers out for his blood, Sam picked behind the chimney of the building that housed them all.  And now, as he heard all the voices in the yard below, he knew it was only a matter of time before they found him and strung him out a window by his ankles.  With no one to help him, and no where to go, Sam, at the young age of 17, had officially become a man out of time.

            "So…can you fix it?" Peter asked for what felt like the bazillionth time.  Zoe gritted her teeth in agitation.

            "Peter, 180 pounds of flying, out-of-control teenager ripped through the central air conditioner.  At this rate I'll be lucky to find two screws that still function!"  Zoe shifted on the ground uncomfortably, clumps of dirt and sticks clinging to her exposed back.  She was lying on the side lawn of the mansion, head and arms stuck inside the AC…or what was left of it.  The conditioner was industrial sized, considering it had to heat the whole mansion and all.  

            "Hey there, hotties!" a cheerful voice suddenly shouted very loudly from behind the pair.  Peter went airborne, dropping the flashlight to the ground with a **THUNK**.  Zoe had a similar reaction, and, flying upward, banged her head on the inside of the ruined metal box.

            "God damn it, Bobby!" she cursed, rubbing a throbbing forehead.  "Why don't you go melt somewhere else?"  Peter muttered something in Russian. 

            "Why, when bugging you is so much fun?" he shot back.  Zoe sighed and yanked her bikini-clad body out from the AC unit to look at an electronic plan spread out on the ground.  Bobby, standing next to the hulking Russian mass that was Peter, reared back suddenly, flailing around in mock terror.

            "Ah, it's the attack of the killer jugs!" he cried.  Zoe pulled the schematics into her lap and gave him the finger.  Peter retrieved his lost flashlight and, looking puzzled, turned to Bobby.

            "What are des…ju-?" he started asked in his thick Russian accent when Zoe cut him off.

            "Pete, unless you've always wondered what a lightening rod feels like you won't finish that question."  Bobby opened his mouth.

            "Well Pete, it's like this…"

            "That goes for you too, Icepick!"  She glanced up from her plans, shoving a mass of sweaty blonde hair out of her eyes.  "Why haven't you melted yet, anyway?" she asked sincerely this time.  Bobby stuck out his arm to her, revealing the thin layer of frost that covered it.

            "I'm just chillin' while the rest of you sweat," he chided, strutting around in his swimming trunks, cool as you please (I know, bad pun…).  "I'm calm, cool, and co-,"

            "Soon to be dead if you keep this up!" Zo warned, crawling back underneath armed with a socket wrench and her finger.  She though she had one of the main circuits figured out when…

            "Well, 'Allo tooshie!" a voice with a Cajun accent crowed loudly, obviously speaking to the girl's butt, the only part of her currently visible.   

            "Son of a-," Zoe cussed, sitting up sharply once again and banging her head with a loud **THUNK**.  From somewhere outside, Bobby let out a manic chuckle.

            "You think she'd learn to stop doing that after a while," he muttered to the group.  Zoe finally yanked her head out, less that amused.  

            "Well, dere she is," Remy said in fake exuberance, throwing his hands out wide.  "How's the little chere on dis fine afternoon?"  She stuck her hand out if front of her face as if blocking a glare.

            "She'd be better if she wasn't blinded by your legs," Zo shot back.  At that, Bobby completely lost it.  He hit the ground by Peter's feet, rolling in silent laughter.  All three turned to stare at him in disbelief.    
            "Soooo," Remy whistled, breaking the stunned silence, "Can you fix it?"

            "Look," the blonde shouted to the boys, throwing her wrench down forcefully, narrowly missing several pairs of feet.  "I am a walking spark plug, not an AC technician, and I have been on my hands and knees for the last three hours trying to put this piece of crap back together, but me a little slack, eh?"  Remy stumbled backwards as she stuck a finger in his face, waving it dangerously under his nose.

            "Look chere, Ah didn' mean-," he sputtered.

            "Remy, I'm getting pissed," Zoe warned, still pursuing him as he scrambled backwards across the lawn.  "And when I get pissed, small appliances die.  Do you really want that Remy, do you want me to kill your stereo?" she demanded dangerously, sparks flying off the end of her hair.  Remy gave up.

            Turning, he ran across the lawn for dear life, hauling ass until he entered the safety of the main house.   The door banged shut behind him was a sharp *Whap*, and Zoe let out a sigh of relief, turning back to the two remaining boys and the task at hand.  From where he cowered behind Peter's bulky form, Bobby's jaw dropped at the girl's sudden mood swing.  

            "What the…" he sputtered, slack-jawed, "what the hell was _that?"  Quite pleased with her performance, Zoe retrieved her wrench and slid back under the machine.  _

            "Sorry, but those freaky legs were really giving me the creeps.  Now Peter, the flashlight, if you please…"

            Once inside the safety of the large (sweltering) house, Remy made for the safety of his bedroom, the one place he knew Zoe would never risk entering, no matter how badly she wanted his head on a stick.  

            "Damn, girl got some serious mood swings goin' on," he muttered to himself as he climbed the winding staircase.  "Must be dat time o' da month…"  Rounding the corner in main hallway, he gave Jubilee a wide birth as she passed him.  A second later he heard the bathroom door close and lock shut as Jubes entered.  Sighing, he dashed into his room, away from all the insane women and bloodthirsty women in the school, and locked the door firmly behind him.

            Jubilee fought down the urge to bash in the side of Remy's skull as he slinked past her.  But, in all honesty she was just too tired.  Heat had the effect on her.  Still…if it hadn't been for Remy feeling the need to prove to John that he _could_ charge objects under water then she could've been lounging in the pool right now instead of making due with the bathtub instead.  She felt the anger welling up inside her again as she locked the door behind her.  But no…happy place, happy place…

            "Remember you can't blame them, hun," she reminded herself as she turned the bath water on as cold as it would go.  "It's not their fault they were born as men of the species.  Happy place…"By the time the tub was full, she was calm and relaxed, completely at one with the world.  Checking that the door was firmly locked one last time ('cause you could never be too careful in this place) Jubes slipped into the bathtub with a long

            "Ahhhhh," of contentment.  Reaching back over her head, she grabbed a pack of matches of a dry ledge and lit this week's communal scented candle, resting it on the side of the tub.  All the stress of the day combines with the thick scent of lavender that now hung in the air was too much for Jubilee to resist, and she eventually drifted off into a peaceful sleep…

            …and woke to find the room, and the water, stiflingly hot.

            "Hu-," she muttered, groggily.  "Wha…what the…?" and that's when she saw them.  Spiders everywhere!  Clinging to the ceiling, clinging to the counter, the sink!  Crawling along the edge of the bathtub!  Jubilee blanched and then let out a scream that would've put Syrin to shame.

            "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" she squealed, voice reverberating about the tiny room.  Flailing madly, she splashed water everywhere, trying to knock the spiders clear so she could get to the door.  "AAAAAHHHH-" she stopped short.

            One of the spiders she'd splashed fizzled into a puff of smoke with the sizzling sound of water hitting a hot pan.  Once again the sound Jubilee's voice filled the room as she flung herself out of the tub, kicking herself for not being more careful with the candle and matches.  She should've known!

            "JOHN!  YOU ARE SOOOO DEAD!"  The sounds of quickly retreating footsteps and laughter we barely audible from beyond the door but, upon throwing a towel quickly about herself and throwing the door quickly open, they doubled in volume as John retreated down the hall, laughingly manically.

            Without a second thought, Jubilee charged after him, her left hand keep the towel up, her right one glowing bright yellow.  Enraged, she launched a firework and the pryo, but he rounded the corner into the hall and the firework hit an expensive vase on a table with a sickening CRASH!  

            Paying no mind, Jubes charged after him, following the footsteps and laughter as she skidded into the hall, forcing Ms. Braddock to flatten herself against th wall to avoid being trampled, and then up the stairs to the third floor.

            "Nice jiggle there, jello-thighs!" John taunted from somewhere above.

            She ran faster, following the taunting voice as it echoed down the stairs.

            "I'm gonna use you as target practice," she shot back as she hit the landing on floor three and spotted John at the end of the hall.  

            "Whoa!"  But when her damp feet hit the wooden landing, Jubilee flew backwards, crashing to her back and accidentally losing hold of her firework.  It zoomed through the air exploded through the roof, sending sheetrock raining down.  "Oh crap," she muttered to herself, spying blue sky through the hole.  

            "Ahahah," erupted the laughter from down the hall as John doubled over at the sight of her.  "Looks like you really need that target practice Jubilee!"

            That got her mind off the damage fast, and before her brain knew it, Jubes's feet were off and running again, slipping and sliding against the floor and making her launch fireworks in every direction (including several more through the roof) as she chased after the doomed pryo.

Kitty, clad in her swimsuit, was taking full advantage of the heat.   She'd pried off the screen in John and Bobby's room and climbed out onto the roof for a bit of uninterrupted sunbathing. Armed with a towel and a kitchen timer, she laid down on her stomach, sighing with contentment. 

            'Well,' she thought to herself as she wallowed in the silence around her, 'now I no where they hid all the peace and quiet around here.'  That's when her radio blew up in a shower of blue and purple sparks that erupted through the roof with a resonating *PAFF*.  Kitty bolted upright. 

            "What the hell…" was all she got out before the same sound erupted about ten feet in front of her, sending up a shower of yellow sparks behind the chimney, accompanied by an, 

            "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"  Sam suddenly became visible as he skidded out from behind the brick structure.  "Ahhhhh!" he screamed again, frantically beating his pants with both hands, trying to put of the small fire that had erupted on them. 

Distracted, Sam forgot one thing as he flailed about: he was on a peaked roof. 

            *PAFF*

            Another explosion peppered the roof, right next to Sam's left foot, and he sprang backwards.

            "Whoa…" he cried, wind milling his arms, but gravity took hold and Sam tumbled backwards, rolling out of control towards the edge of the roof…and Kitty.  "Ahhhhhhhhh!"  

            "Ahhhhhhhhh!" Kitty echoed in reply as she tried to scramble out of the way, to no avail.  Sam tumbled, smacking her to her back, and sending them both tumbling over towards the edge.  She clutched out frantically, clinging to the shingles and Sam as they rolled closer…closer…and right over the side.

            Or they would have.  

            At the last second Sam reached out through space and grasped the gutter in one hand.  He was now dangling precariously from said hand, Kitty clinging to his neck.

            "Ahhhhhhh!" she repeated.  "Sam, don't let go!"

            "Kitty, stop squirming," he hissed through gritted teeth, struggling to breath from beneath crazed brunette's choke hold.  But she just struggled more.  Sam felt his grip weakening.  

            "Can't…hold…on…" he rasped as one finger gave way, then another, and another.

            "SSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMM!" Kitty shrieked as they both fell backwards, spiraling towards the ground three stories below.


	2. Events Leading Up To The Smoking Crater ...

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Pirate Kit, who's story The Private Life of Jamie Madrox inspired me to include the little multiplier in his second Insanity of the X Kids fic.  She owns savage clone dancing, not me :)  Love to Jamie who rox my sox.  Now, read on, brave soul!**

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            "What did you do?" Bobby demanded, jumping up and down.  Zoe slid out from under the machine, wiping her greasy hands off on the grass as the AC coughed and spluttered behind her.

            "I believe the technical term is 'sheer dumb luck'," she muttered staring at the vibrating machine with the same disbelief as the others.  "But as for how I did it…"

            "Who cares?"  Bobby cried exuberantly, grabbing Peter by the wrists and swinging him around.

            "Es dat a good noise?" Peter asked tentatively as he whirled and twirled with the walking Popsicle, seemingly unperturbed by the whole situation.  

            "You mean that noise like a cat sleeping on a radiator?  No, it's not a good noise, but it's better than no noise."  Zo shrugged.  "If we don't overload it, it should hold until Monday, then we can haul a professional out here to put this thing back togeth-,"

            "MARIE, I SAID DROP THE BAT!" shrieked the angry voice of Paige as she was unceremoniously hauled into view around the corner of the building, making Bobby pause mid-dance and drawing everyone's attention off the sputtering machine.  Yanking the hayseed along firmly by the wrist was a very hot, and overdressed Marie.

A hot, overdressed Marie who was sweating like a pig and looking slightly insane.

            A hot, overdressed, and insane Marie who was still clutching Zoe's bat in her free hand, strutting along, happy as a clam, whistling what sounded like 'Let it Snow' under her breath.  Well…at least, she was, until she saw the raw anger burning on Zoe's face that is.  Choking on her breath, mid whistle, Rogue shoved the bat behind her back, slamming it into Paige's knees as she went.

            "Hi Zo," Marie muttered, flustered.  "Fix the AC yet?"  Behind her Paige hit her knees, prying her numb wrist from Marie's limp grasp and crawling forward to grab Peter 'round his ankles.

            "Oh thank you, thank you," she sobbed into Peter's faded tennis shoes.  "She's crazy!  Crazy, I tell you!"  She pointed manically at Marie, quivering on the ground.  "She's been hauling me around by the hand for three hours.  She wouldn't even let me pee!"  Her body was wracked with sobs as Peter scooped the hysterical blonde into his arms, clutching her tightly to his massive chest.  "I just wanted to pee!"  Errr, make that not quite against his chest.

            But Marie had bigger problems at the moment, like the insane look in Zoe's eyes.  You know, like the look she got when Bobby thought'd be funny to make 'clothing optional' and 'well-enhanced' ice sculptures of all the girls in the school and put them on the front lawn.  It was the look that said 'I'm gonna rip you a few new holes, then use you like a fuse box'.  It was a look that made grown men cry.  

            It was a look Marie had prayed she'd never see.           

            Ever.  

            "Marie, what's that behind your back?" Zoe asked in a dangerous voice

            "Erm…"

"It's my bat, isn't it?"

"Erm…"

"The bat that's my most prized possession?"

"Erm…"  Marie choked on her left lung and started praying that Kitty would show up so she could drain her powers and sink into the ground, but no such luck.  So she did the next best thing: she turned and ran.   

            "Oh no, ya don't!"  Zoe tore after her and, before Marie had gone five feet, tackled her around the waist and the two tumbled to the ground, a writhing mess of limbs and hair.  Eyes focused on the dueling girls, Bobby leaned close to Peter…well, as close to Peter's ear as he could get and asked,

            "Is it just me, or is this really turning you on?"  Pete nodded and Paige reached out from where the tall boy held her and twisted Ice-Boy's ear.  

            "Sicko," she muttered.  

            "Ow!," Bobby yelled, bating her hand away, still focused on Zo and Marie.  "What's the matter, Paigey, you want to get in on that too?"  She twisted his ear again.  "Ow!"

            "Say it again and I'll go for the nipple," she muttered, still prone in Pete's arms.  But even she was watching the fight.

            "Marie, leggo…!"

            "Get off me, you psycho!"

            "That's my hair!"  
            "Yeah, only 'cause gouging your eyes would kill me!"  And that's when it happened.  A reverberating shockwave echoed through the air, blowing up from behind Peter, Bobby, and Paige.  As if one cue all three whirled and…

            **"LOOK OUT!"          **

…Hit the deck as Sam rocketed just above their heads…

            "Aaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

            …Kitty clinging frantically to his back, hands clamped tightly over his eyes.

            "Holy-," Bobby exclaimed.

            "-Shit!" John finished for him, slamming through the screen door and sprinting across the lawn as if the hounds of hell were after him, when actually it was just a scantily clad Jubilee who charged out seconds later.  Still barely decent in only a towel, Jubilee hollered, 

            "You demonic little fire starter, I'm gonna roast you like a Fourth of July weenie!"  A fraction of a second later John joined Bobby, Peter, and Paige on the ground as several red fireworks zoomed like rockets over his head.  But the target gone, her shot went wild.

            "Damn, that was close," John muttered, but Bobby was too preoccupied to care.

            "First the catfight in the corner, then barely dressed Jubilee," he whispered, "at this rate I'm going to need a seriously cold shower…OW!"  Paige, true to her word, grabbed and twisted his nipple as she lay prone beside him.  "Alright, alright, I'm sorry!"

            Jubilee charged across the lawn where the other student huddled against the ground, avoiding Jubilee's projectiles and the out of control Sam who was still rocketing above.

            "What should we do?" Peter demanded, hands wound protectively about his head

            "Save me from the crazed roman candle with legs?" John suggested as Jubilee got closer, moving at a slower pace now that John had nowhere to run.

            "Shoot Sam down before he kills Kitty and destroys anything else?" Paige added helpfully as the flying duo made another pass.

            "TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Kitty screeched from above.  "RIGHTTT!"  There was a pause as the blinded rocket-man loomed even closer to the ancient oak.  "No, you're other RIGHT!"  Sam veered out of the way just in time, taking a fair amount of smaller branches with him.

            "Kitty, I can't see!" he bellowed, but the Shadowcat was hanging on for dear life, which made moving her hands not an option, so the dodging and the screaming continued.  Unfortunately, all the kids were so preoccupied with watching the aerial show that they forgot about the earth-bound dangers until it was too late.

            "Any last words, flame boy?" Jubilee crowed menacingly, standing above John triumphantly, (of course, it also gave all three boys a perfect look up her towel, but anyway) her fists glowing red.

            "Yeah," Paige answered, stepping in for John who was too busy blubbering for mercy.  "Duck!" she shouted, grabbing jubilee by the ankle and knocking her to her knees just as Cannonball shot right where she would've been.  But the tumble knocked Jubes's aim wide and the firework raced through the air, dangerously off course….

            …and right into Marie's arm.  

            "Ahhhhhhhhh!" she screamed in pain, finally surrendering her grip on the bat.  Zoe, getting to her knees, clutched it triumphantly to her chest.

            "Finally baby," she cooed, "you're back with Momma now."  But Marie was delusional and that, combined with her usual stubbornness, meant she wasn't giving up that easy.

            "I don't think so," she cried, lunging at the other girl.  She slammed her body into Zoe's, and the blonde flew backwards, bat flying from her hands and spinning into the air…

            "Saaaaaaaaammmmmmm!" Kitty screamed, as the duo zipped just feet above the ground, narrowly missing Jubilee.  

            "Kitty!  Leggo!" he shouted, whipping his head back and forth to try and dislodge the frightened girl.  All he succeeded in doing though was making her cling to him tighter.  However, she did spread her fingers far enough apart for him to catch sight of the close ground below and, seeing a perfect opportunity, Sam threw back his head and shrugged his shoulder all while veering downward.

            The sudden maneuver was too much for Kitty to handle and she lost her grip, shooting backwards off the flaming rocket-boy and tumbling the few feet to the ground below.  She hit the earth, skidded along out of control and slammed right into the side of the Bobby's quickly melting ice igloo.

            Able to see once again, Sam's first order of business was not landing, as any sane person would think to do.  It was, instead, turning to see that Kitty was alright.  Unfortunately, since Sam's head acted like a rudder, all this did was turn him to the right and…

            "LOOK OUT!"

…right into the path of the flying bat.  At the shout from someone on the ground, Sam whirled just in time to see Louisville Slugger flying at his head.

            "Oh shit!"  Swerving downward, Sam missed the bat by inches, but the knock-back effect of his maneuver sent him spiraling out of control, weaving back and forth like a plane operated by a pilot on crack.  Spinning like a top, he was unable to control his rapid, headfirst decent towards the ground.

            Near the side of the mansion,

            And the newly repaired air condition.

            Later, Bobby would be quoted as saying that the impact and following explosion could've been heard a mile away.  Of course Bobby had inhaled a lot of smoke from said explosion at this point so no one paid him much attention, but he was right about one thing.  The bang that happened when indestructible flying teen hit cooling nesseccity was sure as hell loud, especially for Marie and Zoe, who didn't even have time to run.  They just cowered as close to the ground as possible and prayed they'd survive.

            ('Course, between you and me, Zoe's electrical shield helped a lot in that department, not that Marie would ever admit it.)

            *BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM*

            *CCCCCCCRRRRAAAAASSSSSHHHHHHHHHH*

            A concusssive blast ripped through the air…followed by utter silence.

            Looking up from the ground cautiously, and uncovering their heads, the students started in utter horror at the plume of smoke rising from the air conditioner…er, well…the Sam shaped crated that used to be an AC.

            Slowly, each kid got to their feet, Bobby helping Jubes to her feet and Peter still carrying Paige, and ventured towards the smoking pit.  Nerviously, theye peeked into the hole, which was deep enough that the basement piping running into the school was visible amongst the rubble.  Lying atop a heap of steaming, smoking, and sparking rubble was Sam, looking a little loopy, his hair singed.  He stared up at them, google-eyed.  He coughed, spluttered, wiped his hands on his shorts nervously, then said,

            "Okay…okay, so the landings still need work."  

"SAM!" shrieked the voices of every student in the area.  Sam screamed, clambered out of the hole, and went tearing across the lawn, a bombardment of fire balls, ice wads, electrical bolts, and fireworks pummeling him as he went.  And when those stopped, someone threw Zoe's bat at him.

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            "These?" Elizabeth Braddock asked, looking out the teacher's lounge window with distain at the madness taking place below.  "These are the future protectors of the world?"  

            "Yeah well," Jean sighed, opening the refrigerator door, not even bothering to look outside.  The kids were all projecting so loudly that any telepath in a ten-mile radius would be picking up their anger.  "We tried."  She paused in mid-reach for the lemonade and instead grabbed two of Logan's imported beers.  "Here."  She tossed one of them to the purple-haired new teacher and went to join her by the window.   "You're going to need this."  

            Betsy took a long swig as a sickening *CRASH* drew her attention outside once more.  In the middle of the lawn, where there had once been an igloo, now stood a limp pile of broken ice chunks and some thirty-odd, pokemon swimsuit-clad, identical young boys.  A number of these boys joined in the Sam chase, led by one clone who leapt to the top of the ice pile and shouted,

            "We won't stop 'till Sam's dead!"  The other clones began dancingly wildly…almost savagely, in a large circle around their ruined hideaway.  Despite the heat, the new teacher was suddenly very, very cold. 

            "The planet is doomed, isn't it?" she asked.  Beside her, Jean shrugged nonchalantly.

            "Like I said, we tried."

FIN

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A/N: Hey y'all, here's the last chapter and, IMHO, it's much better than the first.  Thanks for the comments, now GO REVIEW before I go all Jamie-mob on your ass!  Just kidding ;)


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